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we're just breaking out the emo bullshit all over the place today [19 Jul 2008|12:34am]

twinkletits
[ mood | indescribable ]

As much as I feel a sense of victory and relief, I feel like my guts are being yanked out. It's weird to feel so strongly for people, and yet have it be completely platonic. It's essentially the closest things to best friends that I've ever known being drastically reduced from my existence. Moving here from Alberta was a million times easier than this, so was quitting Extra Foods, both times, and Artigiano for that matter.
Such a bullshit stupid fucking job was not supposed to have this impact on me, nevermind have lasted this long. I feel like I've done nothing but cry or fight back tears for 2 or 3 days now.
Possibly more on this later at a more sober time...

1__ ever had a heaven here.

waahhh and shit [18 Jul 2008|05:17am]

twinkletits
[ mood | sad ]

Starting my last day feeling like a royal jackass. As usual my lofty expectations got the best of me. I guess it's pretty stupid to expect people to show up at parties for yourself, especially when they say they'll be there, weeks in advance no less. Heard from both Ayesha and Barry with the same excuses they had for blowing off my birthday - so-and-so's having a party and I'm going to that instead, and I'm going to the island to visit so-and-so. Feeling like all I need now is the driver to come in at lunch and tell me everything's cool. The icing's always the best part, right?

EDIT: I realize I'm probably overreacting, but I guess my general sentiment is I really just wanted to celebrate the end of a year and a half of BS with the people who made it tolerable and fun. And the usual general feeling of not getting back what I put in. I often try to plan things, I guess my shitty ability in dealing with the let-downs is kind of why.

/whining

3__ ever had a heaven here.

[18 Jul 2008|03:21am]

ssaall
So, The Dark Knight is pretty much the most badass movie of all time. Heath Ledger as the Joker = Amazing.

seriously awesome
1__ ever had a heaven here.

[17 Jul 2008|12:56am]

ssaall
So, basically, I am going to Comic-Con in San Diego next weekend to cement my status as a complete dork and I'm going to be rubbing elbows with this guy, hopefully:

4__ ever had a heaven here.

blargh [15 Jul 2008|05:13am]

twinkletits
[ mood | exhausted ]

I called the damn date off. I spent half the night awake worrying about the entire thing so on top of feeling like a jerk, I physically feel like ass. Sent an email saying I felt like if I kept this up I'd just be leading him on and that's pretty shitty. And yes I sent an email. At least I bothered to tell him anything. Given that it's been two dates and we met on the internets, it didn't seem like a big deal. Plus it's 5:15am.
Healing from the driver or getting back on the horse or whatever you want to call it, I'm either not ready for it or shouldn't be doing it with this dude. Making myself feel like a shithead isn't making anything better.

7__ ever had a heaven here.

kind of pushed, kind of bent [14 Jul 2008|07:39pm]

twinkletits
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | lykke li - someone needs to tell me exactly how to say her name ]

- Second date went ok. The bike ride took us across Granville St. bridge, for starters. In over 4 years of owning a bike in this city, I have avoided riding over a bridge, because they're fucking scary, and sharing an average sidewalk with pedestrians is not ok, neither is having to dismount repeatedly to get my stupid bike down a couple stairs to cross on/off ramps. Stupid. Dude just rode down the stairs til he saw I wouldn't do it(I tried once and just about bailed in front of an oncoming car and I'm sure my freshly trued wheel loved it), because fuck that I'm on a road bike (he was riding a mountain bike).
The ride was less poopy once in downtown, we went to Stanley Park. However said road bike also isn't a fan of uphill gravel paths. Well I'm not a fan of long and uphill period, we walked for a bit when it got steep. Afterwards we got fish and chips at Mr. Pickwicks, then rode along Coal Harbour into Gastown, and eventually to the Cambie for more than a couple jugs of beer and grossly overpriced nachos. And some drunk suburban kids sat with us for a while, the most obnoxious of which grilled us about what we were up to and then asked Dude if he wanted to be dating me, to which he said yes.
We half walked, half rode to my house where the most awkward goodbye ever ensued. Lots of staring and "see you laters" and other such things and then he asked if he could just give me a little kiss "because he'd been wanting to all night", and I relented and it was just as awkward.
I seriously don't know what to do with this guy. I don't know if my problem is that I'm just not ready to be dating again, or I'm not used to dudes actually putting forth real effort and trying to please me, or if I'm just a masochist who likes being treated like shit and thus is bored, or if chemistry really is lacking, or if I'm getting a taste of the other side of the fence. I mean, I'd be friends with him, or I'd do him, but I'm not sure I care about what makes him tick. If that makes sense. Plus he's at least as inept with girls as I am with dudes. So who knows if doing him would even be worth it or just piles more awkward. Yeah I'm thinking a lot for two dates. Mostly I feel bad for not caring more at this point. He called me today for a third, on Wednesday. And I might postpone it anyways because I have no damn money til Friday.

Read more... )

2__ ever had a heaven here.

hot wax, four hearts are cold [11 Jul 2008|06:59pm]

twinkletits
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | the pixies - debaser ]

The last couple weeks have involved:

- Breakfast with Stefan and Rhiannon(stefan's wife) followed by her getting her Monroe pierced and a jaunt to Kits beach to hang out the shade and quietly mock people. It was my first time hanging out at a beach since moving here, and it pretty much reinforced why I hadn't bothered. Meat market central.

- Being angry. It's so much better than feeling hurt.

- Parental visit from the 1st to the 5th. Hokey Canada Day activities ensued, including having to watch the better part of a 54-40 set. They're on mainstream radio so they're good right?. Physically looking at condos occurred. They got me a brightly coloured tie dyed hippie skirt from Salt Spring Island. The colours are me, the style, not so much, but the thing is pretty damn comfortable. Unless it's worn on the windiest day ever. Then the damn thing blows upwards. Good thing I had leggings on.

- Acquiring a new job. Starting July 21st, I will be working at an embroidery supply warehouse doing shipping/receiving for $14 an hour, 8:30-4:30, with three other women, one of whom is Rhiannon. For those who never got the memo, my current job is $11.25 an hour, Tuesday to Friday, 6am til whenever finished, generally between 1:30 and 3:30, I have to see the driver every day, and I work with jerks who either can't, or won't do their jobs properly, and for a company whose main goal is to expand, not improve. When I gave my notice I thought my boss was going to cry. He pulled me into his office and asked what was going on, and I explained the terms of my new job and he understood but wished he could offer me more because he can't afford to lose me. I've been to the dentist twice this week, once for cleaning, once for fill-ins on a few chipped teeth, costing my job a nice 500 dollars. And I"ll be stocking up on all the birth control I can get my grubby packer hands on before next Friday.
My boss asked where I wanted my parting gift certificate to be from and one of the places I mentioned was the New Balance store. My hope being that I get 50 bucks to spend on new sneakers. For my new job.

- Having to take my facial piercings out for the full head x-ray at the dentist. And they got left out for the whole cleaning. Putting the labret in afterwards was a bit tight and pushy, so now I guess I know for sure if I take it out, it's gone. Which I'd suspected, but I've had the odd person try and tell me that after having it 5 years, it wouldn't permanently be lost. Lips aren't ears folks. However, if I'd not been able to get it back in, I wouldn't have cried about it. I might have been a bit bummed, but I've been toying with taking it out for a while, yet can't quite do it. There's a certain amount of personal history there.

- A summer haircut. It's a bit shorter than I really wanted, and I'm still kinda getting used to it. I'd kind of wanted more of a change than BUZZED, so in the future I'll have to be a bit more specific I think. The shape is more or less the same as what I've been sporting for nearly two years.

- A first date with a dude on Wednesday. Beer-and-burger-for-12-bucks night at the Five Point. Followed by 4 more beers. He seems nice, kinda shy, kinda awkward, kinda 22 and from Portland, kinda a UBC geological engineering student. He called me after work yesterday to see if I wanted to go for a bike ride this weekend. Whether this turns into just friends, or just more, at the very least he gets a point or two for calling me first.

I'm going to listen to more stuff and run my tongue over my weird feeling teeth some more.

2__ ever had a heaven here.

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